While I was running the gauntlet of free newspapers, this morning, I worked out that the relationship between my eye colour and alcohol, parallels the UK political landscape.
My eyes are greeny coloured normally, without alcohol – I feel like there’s too much going on and I can’t save everything and do everything at once, but I’ll try anyway, even though I may be fighting a losing battle (Green Party)
I have a few drinks and my eyes turn blue-ish – I relax and realise that it can be better and I can do well and forge ahead with great success (Conservative Party)
Too much alcohol and my eyes go red – I wake up with the realisation, that there’s a good chance I royally f*@ked something up and also, when I check my pockets, all the money has gone (Labour Party)
Finally if I abuse alcohol for the rest of my life, I’ll suffer with liver problems, making my eyes yellow – There’ll be no hope and I’ll be a depressed bitter old man (Lib Dem Party)