Making Mixed Babies? What?

Okay. I was sat with work colleagues one night, as we all tucked into some Couscous made by the boss’ mother. Reason? It’s coming up to the end of Ramsidam, Radaman, Ramaflan, is it Ramaflan? Can’t be. Imagine that! Not allowed to eat until sundown, but everytime you think of the name it makes you hungry. What are you up to today? Oh, you know, fasting for Ramaflan…oooooo Flan!! Ramastan? No Ramadan, yeah that’s it Ramadan. Hey! Don’t look at me that way! I’ve heard of Muslims who can’t pronounce it properly!! Plus I’m obviously ignorant to all this stuff, proof being me casually chomping on a bacon and egg toasted sarnie with sauce and mustard while the Flanners were walking past (oops, wouldn’t want to have to ask for permission to eat now would we?). Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, the boss brought a friend with him for the feast and she works at a fertility clinic. So basically she helps make babies for people, which is nice of her don’t you think? I thought it was a simple case of putting it in and wiggeling it about a bit, nine months later – baby, but apparently it doesn’t work for some people. Who knew? So talking about the work etc with her, we found that they work 8 hour days, pretty much 7 days a week!! It’s just been agreed apparently that they can now have 2 weekends off a month! Whoopeeeee Dooooo!! How can you work under those conditions? You’d just be knackered all the time and add the fact that she’s fasting for Rastaman, Randiman? Ramalangadingdong? No Ramadan, it’s Ramadan, surely it’s a recipe for disaster, especially doing that job! At Station 1 there’s a guy with his head on the desk asleep, Station 2 has a guy staring at the now very agitated imaginary pixies dancing on his monitor and then at Station 3 she’s there, pippett in hand transferring eggs into test tubes. Then the boss comes along and balls her out. What did you give Patient 20675, Mrs. Johnson? eeeerrrr oh! 1 white baby, 1 black baby and 2 puppies! Hey, you can have 2 weekends off a month, but imagine Mrs Johnson’s surprise!!! Imagine the surprise for the poor labrador in next doors vetinary practice! Proud mother looking over her new litter, ‘ruff, ruff, ggrrrrrrufff. Ruffy ruff ruff?’ Roughly translated as ‘1 pup, 2 pups, 3 pups. 2 chinese babies? what the fu…?’ It’s gonna happen, I’m telling you! Well okay, maybe not the puppy thing, kittens perhaps, but not puppies.

So there’s a double lesson to be learned, the first of which is get some sleep or you’ll be changing labrador nappies (ewwww!) and the second being eat something. No, seriously, eat something!! In the meantime, I’ll sit at work and happily watch people faint around me, until Sunday, when, if the right person sees the moon at a specific time and place, they can gorge themselves silly all day.

Disclaimer: No Muslims were harmed during the writing of this blog. Any Muslims reading this blog should not try to eat it! At least not until sundown. Any labradors reading this blog are…well, simply fucking talented, or, of course, from a circus (Come and see the amazing blog reading labrador! Come on! You see that sign all the time!). This blog was not intended to be offensive to any religious beliefs (Though the whole ‘See the moon’ thing. Really? You don’t see your standard God botherers doing that. Did I say God Botherers? Shit, I’ve pissed everyone off now!!). Any use of slang terms for ‘Believers’, such as God Botherers were made in jest, I myself was brought up a Catholic and Catholics are very religious people, especially the priests who play with little altar boys. Don’t read on an empty stomach. Don’t run with scissors. Don’t try to bring sexy back and don’t watch the DaVinci code if you’ve read the book. Baby not included.


About Eamon Wyse - Award Winning Screenwriter/Producer and Production Director @writefilmdesign

Award Winning Screenwriter/Producer and Production Director @writefilmdesign

2 responses to “Making Mixed Babies? What?”

  1. Salem says :

    Why do I have a strange feeling that I know the boss and his wife ?!?! Good stuff, I like your writing mate 🙂

  2. socialpond says :

    hehe your post reminds me of an old Nando’s add

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